As you, my loyal readers, have noticed, this blog started out as a commentary on current events but has evolved to reflect my observations on many things. This edition is no different. I am going to break one of the cardinal rules and talk about religion. This is not going to be about my beliefs or an attempt to force any one religion on anybody or anything in particular. This is merely my own personal beliefs and observations.
To be fair, full disclosure states I should let you know I am a Roman Catholic. I have been raised that way and believe in most teachings of the Catholic Church. Catholicism has its faults, it has its own hypocrisy and it has it merits, like all religions. Again, this is not an indictment on religion or any one religion.
Since I graduated from high school and went to college I found myself struggling with many questions of what I believe. Some of this a chalk up to growing pains and adolescent questioning of everything, some of this is laziness on my part too. I did not have a use for religion, it no longer was a priority for me on Sunday mornings. I discovered a new found freedom from being on my own for a change. I lived in a new city among some new friends, it was late nights, discovering alcohol, meeting a new girl. There was so many other things that I found to occupy my time, especially sleeping in. If I were to look at my fading faith, this would be where it began.
For a long time though I felt something was missing. Often times I felt this loneliness within myself that I could not explain. I would find myself talking to God in prayer, but for the first time in my life I felt like I was being ignored, as if no one was listening. Perhaps no one was, perhaps I forgot how to listen. There have been countless times over the years that not being able to hear God has led me to bouts of depression. A few of these times had made me suicidal. I would find myself searching anywhere I could for the right answer. I had read books on Native American and Celtic religions. I had read books on Wicca. I re-read the Bible, read from the Quran. I found passages from Buddhism and Hinduism. Through all of my readings I still could not find what I was looking for.
I reached out to an old teacher of mine, Sister Mary Meyers. We exchanged emails, she connected me with a priest here in Raleigh. She talked to me and helped me to answer the many questions I had. I continue to struggle everyday with my faith. There are so many religions out there and all of them have a similar theme. They revolve around a higher power with teachings that focus on a moral life. To the religious it is about striving to reach the afterlife or enlightenment or whatever you want to call it. To the skeptic it is about hiding behind something or attempting to avoid responsibility for our own lives.
For me it is about something bigger than me. It is about finding something to believe in when there is no explanation for the occurrence. For me it starts with that which defies logic or alternatives, or where the timing is perfect. Call them what you will, I call them miracles. When I was younger me and a bunch of friends were heading out from the camp I was working at. The car I was a passenger in was in a bad accident in which we flipped over. It was pretty bad, but we walked away from it. As we were waiting for emergency personnel, a man came from what seemed like no where. He talked to me and comforted me. A few days later I went back to the house nearest the accident to thank the man. He did not exist. No one knew the man I described. Is it possible that it was just another person passing by in another automobile, yes. Is it possible that it was an angel, yes.
A few years ago I was working at the Cardinal Club. We would do a family night where we would provide a babysitting service while parents ate or went to the theatre. The executive chef's daughter Tori would be the babysitter. Her and I became close. we would talk a lot. Her father got very sick and needed a liver transplant. One evening she was working at the club and we had some parents that were running longer than they should have. As we were waiting for the other parents, she got the phone call that her father was getting his transplant. Had she not been held up at the club she would have missed that phone call. Sure she would have found out when she got home, but her parents would already have been at the hospital. She was able to go right to the hospital from here to be with her family.
I am sure that many people have similar stories. I am sure that there are also many reasons that can be explained by science or some other logical explanation. It is these moments though that remind me of a quote from the movie Dogma Salma Hayek's character Serendipity says: "When are you people going to learn? It's not about who's right or wrong. No denomination's nailed it yet, because they're all too self-righteous to realize that it doesn't matter what you have faith in, just that you have faith. Your hearts are in the right place, but your brains gotta to wake up."
Love me, hate me, everyone is entitled to my opinion!
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