Crossroads

Call it a mini mid life crisis, call it confusion, call it what you will.  I have no idea what I want to be when I grow up.  I actually have no idea of what I have done, or how I got to where I am.  It is funny how one thinks that there is all this time in the world, that there are infinite possibilities.  Perhaps there are and perhaps I can't see them like I once did.  I do not know anymore.

I feel like there is something more for me, that I have not reached my full potential as of yet.  I have ideas of where I want to be, what I want to be doing.  I have had a good run with my career so far.  14 years, not bad for a job that was only supposed to last one night.  I do not know what I am to become, I just know that this is not it.

I do envy those that seem to have it all figured out at a young age.  I look at the many people I know that wanted to be doctors, lawyers and fire fighters and now are.  They had a goal and they stopped at nothing until their dreams had been realized.  Some studied a little bit harder, stayed up a little bit longer, pushed themselves a little further.  I also pity them.

I pity them because they did not leave themselves open to anything else.  They did not see the other options, they had tunnel vision with their eyes on a solitary prize.  The problem is there is not just one prize in life.  There are so many different outcomes and possibilities.  Granted there are just as many wrong paths.  That is life.

I feel that there is nothing left to discover, no new grand adventures.  We live in a world where we have conquered all of the lands, sailed the entire ocean, we have written the great novel, painted great master pieces.  We have developed many cures for disease, and we have built weapons that could destroy us all.  What else is left?  We have barely touched the stars, have not sailed to the ocean's depths, and find new stories to write.  We continue to cure disease and find new ways to destroy each other.  It all seems mundane and exciting.

I could be the leader of the free world, a surgeon, or a computer programmer.  There are options.  I appear to be limited only by my desire, my hopes and my dreams.  I do not know what is in store for me, I just know that this is not it.  Love me, hate me, everyone is entitled to my opinion.