Giving up the mortal coil

At the beginning of the year I decided to try to be more healthy.  I quit smoking, hit the gym losing 40 pounds, and have quit drinking.  There was no real reason as to why, just happened.  It became something to do and an attempt to achieve goals that rested solely on will power.  These were things that no one really could help me with and success or failure rested entirely on me.  I did very well.  To date, I have gone 245 days without a cigarette.  I am still 20 pounds under what I started the year with, and I have not gone binge drinking since my birthday.  All would be good, or so one would think.

In the beginning of October while I was at the gym I started having chest pains.  I took a small break and went right back to working out.  The chest pains did not come back that night but decided to go and see my doctor.  My doctor referred me to a cardiologist.  The pain would continue to come and go.  It was mostly a sharp stabbing pain that would last a few seconds and go away.  After I got back from vacation the cardiologist finally called with an appointment.  After many tests the doctor concluded that I had pericarditis, an inflammation of the heart lining.  The medicine that he prescribed was $300 after insurance for a 30 day supply.  So I got it anyway, I mean its my heart and all.  Three days into taking it, my legs go numb.  It hurts to walk.  So $300 goes down the drain.  Doc says stop taking it.  He next wants me to take 2 Bayer aspirin twice a day.  Risk of bleeding and bruising.  So I take it.  Get light headed.  Now I am on blood pressure meds and Advil.  No adverse side effects but symptoms still there.

Last night while laying in bed, the chest was hurting and the left arm seemed to be numb, but it could also have been in my head.  Went to sleep thinking that I may not wake up.  Moments like that kind of make you think.  I started thinking about all of the things I have missed because I put the job first.  My family, friends, trips I wanted to go on, all played second string to the job.  Funny thing is at my last cardiologist appointment my doctor wrote on a prescription pad, "Get a new job."  Perhaps its time.  The job hunt will start come January.  I do not know what I may do, I know it needs to allow time for life.  I am learning that if you keep saying someday, one day there will be no days.  I need to avoid that, make today some day.

If perhaps finality is upon me, know this:  My only regret will be that I let the job kill me.

Love me, hate me, everyone is entitled to my opinion.