This posting is later than I intended, but while I was contemplating my next topic, I watched something bloom and start to unfold. My daughter and her two best friends all got back from spending the summer at their grandparents houses this past week. My daughter was anxious to see each of them and of course she wanted to have back to back sleepovers, one night for each of them. I thought it would be OK, even though I knew it would be loud for two nights straight but oh well. It was decided that Lexi would come over first followed by Jayde. Reagan has known Jayde longer but since we have moved to a knew town she has gone to school with Lexi. I really didn't think anything of the significance I was soon to see when she wanted Lexi to spend the night first until recently.
My daughter is a beautiful girl and everyone tells me I should get the shotgun now. She has many interests, especially art and reading. She never really got into sports or dance. She likes to read and write. She does about average in school, though if she could stay motivated, she could be an exceptional student. One of her great strengths is that she can not understand why people are mean to others. This really upsets her.
Lexi is a lanky, awkward girl. She is very intelligent and very tom-boyish. She likes to tell a tall tale here and there that can actually be believed. Lexi likes softball, is very outgoing, and has a healthy imagination. I consider myself to have above average intelligence and I have had to look up some of things she has said. When the new school year starts Lexi will be taking many advanced classes. Lexi is also a huge Star Wars fan! Her and Reagan do not have much in common.
Jayde is like Reagan in many ways. The boys will also be trouble as Jayde grows older. Jayde is short in stature and is about average in school. Reagan and Jayde have been friends since the 1st grade. Jayde is quiet though around adults. Jayde tends to be a bully and can be persuasive. Often she tries to get my daughter to do things that my daughter knows that she shouldn't. Half the time she is successful.
On the first night Lexi came over. My daughter and her got along great. They kept themselves entertained, were very good, and for the most part quiet. They asked permission to do things, and went to bed when told without any problems. I overheard them talking while they were laying down. Lexi said to Reagan, "I am so lucky that you are my friend. You are popular, and I am a geek. You could be friends with anyone and you are friends with me." I was saddened at first for Lexi, but proud that she thankful for my daughter's friendship.
The next night Jayde came over. Things were like they always were when the two of them got together, yelling, screaming, running around and fighting. It was "Jayde did this," "Jayde wants to know if we could...". They finally calmed down and went to sleep. I knew that Jayde would probably be among the popular girls at her school.
I was left wondering something. How is it that my daughter is the way she is depending on who she is with? Obviously Lexi is the better influence. Is every parents wish that their child is the popular one in school. Then I started to think even more. Over the last year at school, my daughter was often treated as an outcast because of her friendship with Lexi. My daughter was sad some days, but for the most part didn't seem to care. Will she be picked on as she gets older? Will she start to treat Lexi differently? I was neither popular nor unpopular while I was in school. I felt I held a line where I was friends with whoever wanted to be my friend.
I finally decided, I do not want my daughter to be popular at the cost of her current values. It saddens her to see people make fun of others. She will sit down next to the person no one else will sit next to. She makes sure that very kid in her class gets a Valentine. More importantly she could be friends with anyone, and she chose the girl that describes herself as a geek. That is the person I want my daughter to be.
I was going to talk to her and tell her that it is more important to have a good friend that you can rely on and trust then to be the popular kid in school. I wanted her to know that she is the one who decides who she should be friends with, no one else. I wanted to tell her that she deserves to surround herself with friends like Lexi. Just as I was about to tell her, I caught myself. Obviously she knew this. She had come to the conclusion all by herself. Do I really need to? I decided I would just nurture for now. I told her that I knew her and Lexi didn't have any classes together and that if she ever just wanted to call up Lexi to go have ice cream, I would take them both.
My wish is that I have raised her right. That she has the values that she has because she learned it from her parents. My wish is that she sees the value of her friendship and that she will make the right decision. I know that I can't make these choices for her, but I hope that I have already influenced them.
Love me, hate me everyone is entitled to my opinion.
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